1. Skills Refining
-Review how the home activity on rewards went. This is
important to review because different parents probably had different
experiences.
-Review validation skills
Introduction to Consequences
When children misbehave there are three different kids of
consequences parents can choose to address the behavior—ignoring them, taking
away privileges, punishing.
2.Ignoring
By ignoring, you send the message that the behavior will not
be reinforced or rewarded in any way
-parent can expect a certain amount of whining and
complaining and this is normal
-judicious use of ignoring will teach the child that it
doesn't do any good to whine or complain.
-the most difficult part is knowing when to ignore and when
not to ignore.
-parents can effectively use ignoring when 1.) what children
want is parental attention and 2.) when the negative behavior is not dangerous
or hurtful.
“noise out the mouth” is a term they use to describe when
kids are aware of the rule and the reason for the rule but they continue to
whine and complain to get attention or delay things…or in the hopes that the
parents will reverse a decision.
“Hurtful and/or harmful words or behavior” are times when
children actions or words are putting people at risk for emotional and physical
damage. Parents have a responsibility to intervene at these times.
*To effectively ignore misbehavior, keep your cool and simply
act suddenly absorbed in something else. Don’t make eye contact and turn your
back so your child cannot get even a frown. If children can see that you are
angry or upset they can tell that they have an effect on you. Stop ignoring
when the child stops whining and complaining and start giving positive
attention when they are behaving positively.
- Taking Away Privileges
Situation à Child’s Behavior à Consequence (review
the model from Session 7)
-In taking away privileges, the parent takes away something
that the child enjoys after misbehaving. :In punishment, the parent gives
something to the child that is unpleasant, such as an extra chore.
The model for taking away privileges would be:
Situation à Child’s behavior is unacceptable à
Parents take away privileges àChilds unacceptable behavior is decreased, if parent
is consistent in letting the child know that such behavior will cost them
opportunity.
*For children under 12, the loss of privileges should be
short
*Make sure the child knows that opportunities are available
to them if their behavior is appropriate.
3. Punishment
3. Punishment
Model for giving punishments:
Situation à Child’s behavior is unacceptable à
Parent gives a punishment à Child’s unacceptable behavior is decreased if parent
is consistent in punishing the negative behavior.
-Punishment should only be used when parents believe that
emotion coaching and ignoring their child’s misbehavior is inappropriate.
5. The “do’s” of consequences :
-5:1 Ratio—for every time privileges are taken away or
punishment is given, there should be five positive parent-child interactions
through attention and praise.
-Think through or
even make a list of consequence options, such as “ignoring”, “taking away
consequences”, or “punishments”.
-If at all possible, give consequences immediately
-When possible, decide ahead of time what consequences will
be administered when household rule are broken.
-When possible, make sure consequences are understood by
children.
-Be consistent across time and parents
-Stay calm
-Separate consequence from love
-use natural or logical consequences when possible
-consequences may also provide teaching moments
-Grounding is usually ineffective. If used, it should be for
a short amount of time
-If one technique hasn't worked, consider something
different.
6. The “don’ts” of Consequences:
-Don’t punish when, in your emotions, you want to hurt the
child
-Don’t withdraw love
-Don’t take away privileges or routines that connect
-Don’t take away privileges that the child has earned
-Don’t make the other parent the enforcer of the rules
-Don’t reward negative behavior
-Don’t fall into negative family loops
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